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Gasoline Conservation for Dummies
from:Here's how to save big bucks on gasoline:
Plan your trips carefully. You can save 50% on gasoline by going
only to those places that are down hill -- and staying there.
Carpooling is a great gasoline saver. Simply drive your car into
a pool and leave it there.
Cut gasoline consumption five percent by avoiding stops and
starts. Ignore all traffic signals and tell the policeman to
buzz off or you'll tell President Bush.
Always keep tires properly inflated. Low tire pressure means
poor gas mileage, and the three or four service stations in each
state that still sell air are expected to increase prices soon
because the air industry needs more money to search for more air.
If you buy a new car that gets 10 miles per gallon more than
your present car, you will save 14 cents per gallon on gas. If
your new car costs $18,000, gets 30 miles to the gallon, and if
you drive 20,000 miles a year, the car will pay for itself in
only 87 years.
Never carry unnecessary weight in your car. In other words, if
you have children, have small ones.
A well-tuned engine burns less gasoline. In fact, if you get a
major tune-up once or twice a week, your car will burn hardly
any gas at all because it'll always be in the shop.
Try to eliminate those short trips. For example, when you call
Orkin for a free termite inspection, ask them to bring a
half-gallon of milk and a dozen eggs.
You can brew ethanol in your own bath rub. And don't let that
unsightly ring around the tub worry you -- it can be removed
easily and quickly by simply striking a match.
Consider purchasing a scooter. Scooters use hardly any gasoline
at all, particularly in bad weather when most people leave them
in the garage.
Do not drive your car at all for one week. Take the money you
saved and buy one share of stock in each oil company. Within six
months, you'll be too rich to worry about it.
Recent studies show motorists can save real money by filling up
at a self-service gas station after the station is closed.
Selective shopping can save you money. Since gasoline is less
expensive in the Southwest, you can save as much as ten cents a
gallon by driving to Oklahoma to fill up.
Convert your car's engine to nuclear power by ordering a kit
from Iran. This will not only save gasoline but also cut down on
the number of trucks that pass you on the freeway.
And the best way to save money on gasoline: Drive your car only
on even-numbered days when your favorite oil company is losing
money.
About the author:
Copyright 2006 by Joe Hickman, veteran humorist and journalist. Joe is editor at HaLife.com -- http://halife.com
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